It's really difficult for me to believe that I have been a parent for twelve years now. Twelve years...Makes me think about ME and who I was and who I have become..and where the heck am I going?  One thing I do know beyond a doubt was that I was never intended to be a parent.  I believed when I turned thirty nine and had not began a family that I was pretty securely destined to be the best Aunt ever, until January 1999.  I reluctantly agree to attend an international adoption meeting with my  younger sister.  She's younger only by twenty two months .  She already had a biological son who was three years old, but she was very determined to attend this meeting.  When we arrived I found the only people present were my sister and I and the facilitator  who had three adopted children from Vietnam.  They were running around the house  creating quite a raucous.  I always believed that children and meetings did not mix...I always believed that children should be quiet if they were having a meeting in their house...I fell in love!  I signed all the papers and began adopting my own little sweet, quiet infant girl.  By the end of March I was notified by cable that my daughter had been born and by May my passport and visa in hand ..vomiting and  physically ill with nerves I  began the first leg of my journey along with my sister and her son of course.  She was also processing her paperwork and preparing for her own child.  No one knows why my process was so quick...hmmmm.  Applications and Visa typically take almost a year.  I was flying to meet my baby girl in 5 months.   By the time we briefly landed in Juneau to board passengers I was ready to get this done. Seattle, Honolulu, China, Han oi  very long  3 day drive to meet my baby....  Just a few hours giving gifts and translating paperwork with village official and Government official.  Lots of chickens, farm surrounded by jungle and smiling  brown faces watching large American women with a wild 3 year old taking off his shoes and playing with the shy local children.  His mother, my sister had her bottle of sanitizer fruitlessly trying to prevent a germ.  I was in shock holding my baby girl..wondering is this normal she is so limp and sleepy.   Leave Chanty in the jungle..tears promises of quick return..Bangkok,  Honolulu, Seattle, Juneau and home.  First trip done.  Now to wait thirty days to make sure my baby was not spoken for by family members.  Thirty one days and we received a cable that she was waiting for me.  Juneau, Seattle, Los Angeles, Japan and Han oi., 3 day van ride staying in small hotels with lean to restaurants attached.  Watching precocious  greenish yellow lizards and very large cock roaches intermingle with humanity.  Smile and compliment...really enjoy!  Just don't look too closely.  Its finally the day I formally receive my daughter.  The Government official hands her to Barbara McClenahan from America...that's me, really it is. I'm standing outside myself watching..and boy do I look overly hot..flushed and sweaty.  Then there is  the baby...I watch myself making sure its the same baby I had previously met last month.  She is beautiful, limp and sleeping in my arms.  She has so much dark hair standing straight up. Chantilly Rose McClenahan or Phuc Le Nguyen until she lands in America.